Could You Move from North America to Europe–Part 6

Are you prepared to accept a different lifestyle?

Welcome to “The Journey”, a newsletter from my little corner of the internet!

In this issue, I’m continuing to discuss the topic of “could you move from North America to Europe”, first raised a few months ago in a thought-provoking post by Gregory Garretson. The question this week is, “Are you prepared to accept a different lifestyle?”

Well, are you?

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Life at Large (This section has been temporarily commandeered to discuss the query “could you move from North America to Europe?”)

Are you prepared to accept a different lifestyle?

When I first started writing about the experience of moving abroad, I instinctively linked culture and lifestyle as if they were the same thing. In my mind, they were practically interchangeable.

But as I reflected on my own experiences and looked up the definitions, I was reminded of an important distinction:

• Culture is the shared way of doing, speaking, and knowing within a society.

• Lifestyle is how an individual chooses to live within that culture, shaped by personal beliefs, attitudes, and resources.

A new country presents both a new culture and the opportunity—perhaps the necessity—to reshape your lifestyle. Some aspects of your previous way of life may fit seamlessly, while others might feel out of place or unsustainable.

While browsing to find more detailed discussions about the differences and similarities between culture and lifestyle, I came across Berry’s Model of Acculturation.

In this model, psychologist Dr. John W. Berry identified four main ways people adapt to a new culture:

1. Assimilation – Fully adopting the new culture and leaving behind your old lifestyle.

2. Separation – Holding onto your original lifestyle and avoiding the new culture.

3. Integration – Blending aspects of both, creating a balance.

4. Marginalization – Feeling disconnected from both your old and new way of life.

Coming from Canada, which is quite multicultural, particularly in urban and metropolitan centers, I can think of examples of immigrants who appeared to fit into each of these categories.

Looking back, many aspects of my lifestyle in Canada were shaped by striving to be productive and successful, or at least appear productive and successful, and by prioritizing efficiency and convenience–reducing the effort needed to do basic activities of life–cooking, cleaning, errands, etc.

Considering immigrants who came from cultures where family, relationships, and community were higher priorities than productivity and individual success, I can see how they may have struggled to find their place in their new home. Living out their cultural values may have left them out of step with their “busy” neighbours.

I was that busy neighbour. I was often either rushed or tired. Many days, I had back-to-back commitments, so I ordered my coffee “to go” and ate my lunch at my desk. We ordered dinners from a meal prep service, and hired someone to clean our home. On weekends I tried to fit in the rest of “life”.

I was busy, it was my identity. I wanted my daily life to be different, but I didn’t know how to untangle myself from what already was.

Then we moved to Portugal.

Even though I had left my job behind in Canada, I still felt the compulsion to be “busy”, and almost immediately, I dove into writing a book. Interestingly, even though the book kept me at my computer for long hours, all the other “busy-ness” dropped away. Not because I deliberately discarded it, but because the culture in Porto didn’t support my old lifestyle habits:

• In Porto, people don’t rush through coffee on the go—they sit and enjoy the break, even if just for a few minutes.

• Lunch breaks aren’t an opportunity for multitasking—many businesses close so employees can enjoy a proper meal.

• Meal prep services aren’t common here, but there grocery stores within easy walking distance of most neighbourhoods.

I didn’t seek out those old conveniences, I went with what was offered. I watched how other people experienced their morning coffee at the local café. They take their time, whether they are alone or with a friend. I started to take my time, too.

Because Michal and I both work from home, we don’t often go out for lunch, but in good weather we might go to a local café, sit at a table outside for lunch in the sunshine. It’s a lovely break in the day.

We have become much more experimental with cooking, and regularly plan and prepare meals that we previously would only order from restaurants.

At first, these differences were noticeable, after all, what do you even do with yourself if you aren’t carrying around a lukewarm venti “Canadiano” all afternoon? How do you get any work done in a day if you go have lunch in the sunshine? How do you store groceries and prepare a meal in the much smaller kitchen?

Over time, I realized that the differences weren’t limitations—they were invitations. Invitations to rethink what I valued, what habits I wanted to keep, and which ones I was ready to leave behind.

These days, I’m still “busy”—I have a several projects on the go and put in many hours a day to keep them all moving along. But I also go for walks, have found that I actually enjoy cooking, and we occasionally “drop tools” and go a cafe to enjoy a bica (espresso) or a fino (small beer).

In small ways, my lifestyle is evolving, and I’m slowly integrating into a new culture.

So, if you’re preparing for a move abroad, ask yourself:

• What parts of your lifestyle are truly yours, and what parts are a product of your surroundings or societal norms?

• Are you open to integrating elements of a new lifestyle, rather than simply transplanting your old one into a new place?

• Are you willing to adapt your daily habits to fit what is available in your new environment?

Moving to a new country isn’t just about navigating a different culture—it’s about deciding how you will live within it. The question isn’t “Can you adapt?” rather, it’s “How do you want to adapt?”

One of the obstacles Michal and I still face in learning more about the culture and lifestyle here in Portugal is the language. We’ve been struggling to learn Portuguese, and we both know it’s critical to truly connecting with our new neighbours and integrating into the community.

In the next post, I’ll explore this further as I delve into the question, "Are You Ready for the Hard Work of Learning a New Language?"

Previous post | Next post | Start at the beginning

Projects and Events

The Cluster-London Photography and Print Fair is just around the corner, and this week, I had to order the prints for the event. I ordered them from gelato.com, the online print company I use for my website. The prints will be shipped directly to London, so I won’t have a chance to see them until a few days before the event. I’m a bit nervous about that, but I suppose it will be what it will be.

The most complicated print order was for the large-format triptych:

I chose to print the sections on metal, as I felt printing on paper and then framing them would create too much separation and distraction between the sections. I just hope the separate pieces are printed with the same colour profile so they display together seamlessly. This has been quite a learning experience!

On the topic of learning experiences, over the last few weeks Michal and I started a new project:

Relocurious is a Substack newsletter, chat community, and podcast that explore the emotional and psychological side of moving across borders.

We we often discuss our experiences our most recent move and frequently get asked questions such as:

• Why did we move?

• How long had we been thinking about it before we moved?

• How did we the final decision?

• Has it turned out as we expected?

Since people are so curious about our personal stories, we figured they might also be interested in hearing from others who have emigrated for various reasons. In addition to planning a series of posts about the emotional and psychological realities of international moves, we’ve been reaching out to people in our circles who have also relocated across borders. We’re inviting them to share their stories on an episode of our new podcast. The enthusiastic responses we have received so far have been incredible, and we can’t wait to share these stories with you in the coming weeks and months!

The impatient part of me wants to share everything as we pull it together, but the more logical part (OK, it’s Michal. Michal is the more logical part of this operation!) reminds me that a schedule is a beautiful thing. It will help keep us on track when the initial flood of ideas has tapered off to a more realistic level.

On a related note, Michal and I recorded an initial episode of the podcast for the purpose of introducing ourselves, and the intent of the podcast. It was our first effort, both at recording and editing, and while it’s a bit “homemade”, we learned a lot.

The surprising thing? We uploaded it to various podcast platforms–another learning curve–and, beyond sharing it with our immediate circles, we haven’t promoted it at all. Despite that, in the first week it has had 67 downloads across 17 countries! We can’t wait to upload the next episode, featuring our first guests, and see what happens next! So many possibilities!

Writing

Aside from the various projects I mentioned above, the biggest writing task on my plate these days is the story of Dad’s life before he became my dad. I have drafted the prologue and structured the first chapter. As I experienced with Mom’s story, the hardest part of each chapter is simply getting started. The first sentences need to draw the reader in, making them want to keep going.

With fiction, there are various formulas for strategically placing action, suspense, and conflict through the story to keep readers engaged. In a true account of someone’s life, some of those same principles apply, but I also have to honour the “truth contract” of nonfiction.

The best advice I’ve come across for keeping real-life stories engaging is to first write a series of “scenes” that highlight the most compelling moments. Often, those moments are the stories that have been told and retold over the years. These serve as “anchor stories”, which I can then link together with stories of less dramatic events or details of daily life, weaving a more complete picture of the time and place in which the story unfolds.

It’s an enjoyable process, even if it moves a bit slowly at times.

Photography

I haven’t been out with my camera over the last two weeks, unfortunately. All I have for you in this section this week is a video I took on Saturday, March 23rd at Foz do Douro. It has been very stormy here for the last few days, and the ocean reflects that. The breakwater that’s usually full of fisherman casting their lines looked a bit different on Saturday:

When I got home and reviewed the video, I realized there must be some dust on my sensor, as I had already wiped the lens clean before filming. I am always nervous about cleaning the sensor, but it needs to be done. I’ll work up the nerve before my next outing. I can easily remove spots in photographs with Lightroom, but it’s not so simple in video. Wish me a steady hand, and probably a bit of luck!

Last Thoughts

Thank you for following along as I share odds and ends from life and creative pursuits, and to those of you who opted in for a paid subscription, THANK YOU! There is a small token of my gratitude on its way to you in the mail for new paid subscribers.

There is also a little “bonus” at the end of this newsletter for paid subscribers. This week it’s a short video sharing some details that I would normally include in the “Life at Large” section, which has been temporarily repurposed for the discussion about relocating.

As always, I love hearing from you - your comments, questions, suggestions, or just a quick hello. They are all very welcome!

Até à próxima! (Until next time!)

Kathy